Songs to the Key of Life is one of my favorite albums, it has been since it initially dropped, and Have a Talk with God is my jam, the jam, the all time jam, ( I know I will bend God’s ears whenever and wherever).
Getting through the interlude... this is so so powerful in so many ways. I'm glad you took the time and did not rush through. Taking time with grief is important. Sending warmth through my words, and thank you for being so vulnerable with yours.
Grateful you didn't rush through the interlude. Grateful your words are on my feed. And Grateful for you existing here on this pin-drop in space-time with me 💙
This is so beautiful, and I am so, so sorry. Thank you for bringing your writing back to us when you were ready.
I remember when the war in Ukraine started-- and like you, the reports about children were the worst-- and I "had" to do a podcast episode. That whole episode, all I could do was sing. Take it away, Stevie.
You're so wise to know when words can't be enough. But also, you have an incredible gift with them, one that heals.
"Only geography separates me from those mothers" deserves to be written on every street corner... along with some call to action I wish I could formulate. Peace be with you.
I feel like continuing to say “How can this be?” is important. Wise people have been pointing out to me how important the practice of lament is, especially collective lament. So much suffering in so many places, so many people. How can it be?
Wow what a beautiful piece. I am thinking about you and your gracious words. I am I awe of your gentleness with yourself.
I am dealing with a death of another kind currently and in the space of surrendering I am realizing I first have to process all that I am burying before I can move forward. It’s a necessary stagnation but one that is imperative in order to move on.
Rachel, I will take those warm hugs; thank you. (I was in NYC on Saturday! That's where my aunt lives!)
I am sorry that you can relate, but I am proud of you for your awareness of what you need to process. It is daunting to dig up that which we've worked so hard to suffocate. You're engaged in such attentive, hard work. (I would not characterize such brave work as stagnation--you are doing so much more.)
Sitting with you (metaphorically, of course) in that grief. Thankful for what you've shared - but as your friend listening to you, not as someone who wishes to consume your words like a product. Any time Substack sends their weekly synopses, it's been a reminder to lift you up - knowing that your silence spoke volumes, and also knowing just a bit of what your schedule was like. Anyway, it's wonderful to read your words, rejoice with you in your aunt's 90th, and to sit with you in your grief. And your aging, with which I am also well acquainted. ;-)
Hope you're staying cool as Dallas ramps up the convection oven of summer!
It's a privilege to pray for you and be your friend!
Alas, the only conscious decision I make skin-wise is the use of Dove Shea Butter soap. Beyond that, I always assume that the sub-normal aging is a combination of laughing (A LOT) and that I have no progeny to make me age faster. No matter how you cut it, there's not really anyone in my life graying my hair or giving me worry lines. (I'd gladly make that trade, but until / unless it happens . . . .) :-)
“ I have cried. I am undoing the practice of holding back tears because of a deep-seated fear that others, even those who love me, cannot carry my pain” —that part I uh—
I uh—you just named something that my body knew but my mind couldn’t (and/or wouldn’t?) name. I also fear that my body can’t carry my own pain because as a narcoleptic, intense and painful emotions make me sleepy, and my own mixed diabetes makes my stress regulation system (HPA axis) dysfunctional—to the point that I can risk hitting dangerously high glucose levels which will lower my body’s pH levels enough for it to be lethal if no inpatient intervention is done. And the healthcare in this damned country—yeah.
I read your comment four times, Steven. I can hear the conundrum in your words, of what to pay attention to, how to balance one challenge with the others. And healthcare...is a whole scam here.
I am honored to give any voice to your experience (because you already have a way with words!), and though we don't share the same physiological circumstances, I am often talking to my own body about what she will and won't carry. Stress ain't it, not anymore. And stress is literally life-threatening to you.
Does that make the need to unleash, to wail, to move through emotion that much more critical, then?
Yup. I have to at the very least be present with whatever (often negative) emotion(s) that my body might be feeling. It's as critical as having the proper macros for my mixed diabetic diet. I can handle stressful situations pretty well (yay neurodivergence and hyperfocusing in the midst of emotional chaos). I am also my main processor, but I need the "emotional spices" from those around me/close to me in order for my processed emotions to come out like good comfort food. And if I don't make it a point to ask for those emotional spices, then my processed emotions will come out--just wrong and not "macro-appropriate" for me.
So. I want to write a thoughtful response, but honestly I’m just clapping my hands and giggling because “emotional spices” is a delicious phrase! I adore it!
Songs to the Key of Life is one of my favorite albums, it has been since it initially dropped, and Have a Talk with God is my jam, the jam, the all time jam, ( I know I will bend God’s ears whenever and wherever).
That album is transcendent! I have never not loved that album. Never had to “try” with it. It’s perfect.
Getting through the interlude... this is so so powerful in so many ways. I'm glad you took the time and did not rush through. Taking time with grief is important. Sending warmth through my words, and thank you for being so vulnerable with yours.
Mariah, thank you so much; I receive your warmth and generous encouragement.
Grateful you didn't rush through the interlude. Grateful your words are on my feed. And Grateful for you existing here on this pin-drop in space-time with me 💙
Grateful that you took time to read, grateful for your presence and brilliance and kindness.
This is so beautiful, and I am so, so sorry. Thank you for bringing your writing back to us when you were ready.
I remember when the war in Ukraine started-- and like you, the reports about children were the worst-- and I "had" to do a podcast episode. That whole episode, all I could do was sing. Take it away, Stevie.
You're so wise to know when words can't be enough. But also, you have an incredible gift with them, one that heals.
"Only geography separates me from those mothers" deserves to be written on every street corner... along with some call to action I wish I could formulate. Peace be with you.
All you could do was sing? Relatable. And things in Ukraine have not resolved. Wars and rumors of wars are...commonplace. How can this be?
I feel like continuing to say “How can this be?” is important. Wise people have been pointing out to me how important the practice of lament is, especially collective lament. So much suffering in so many places, so many people. How can it be?
I missed your writing so much andddd knew that you needed time.
Thank you for noticing and missing and supporting with space, Robert.
Wow what a beautiful piece. I am thinking about you and your gracious words. I am I awe of your gentleness with yourself.
I am dealing with a death of another kind currently and in the space of surrendering I am realizing I first have to process all that I am burying before I can move forward. It’s a necessary stagnation but one that is imperative in order to move on.
Sending warm hugs from NYC.
Rachel, I will take those warm hugs; thank you. (I was in NYC on Saturday! That's where my aunt lives!)
I am sorry that you can relate, but I am proud of you for your awareness of what you need to process. It is daunting to dig up that which we've worked so hard to suffocate. You're engaged in such attentive, hard work. (I would not characterize such brave work as stagnation--you are doing so much more.)
Gosh you’re so right. It’s exhausting and mentally consuming tryna keep a door that wants to burst open shut. Thanks for the perspective shift.
Also, aunty is a city girl? 💅🏾 good for her!
All I have is an amen.
So…Amen. 🙏🏾
Let it be. 🙏🏾
Sitting with you (metaphorically, of course) in that grief. Thankful for what you've shared - but as your friend listening to you, not as someone who wishes to consume your words like a product. Any time Substack sends their weekly synopses, it's been a reminder to lift you up - knowing that your silence spoke volumes, and also knowing just a bit of what your schedule was like. Anyway, it's wonderful to read your words, rejoice with you in your aunt's 90th, and to sit with you in your grief. And your aging, with which I am also well acquainted. ;-)
Hope you're staying cool as Dallas ramps up the convection oven of summer!
Don, your support also speaks volumes. Thank you for praying, and for holding space for me in all the offline things you know.
Also, you age like fine wine -- no one would guess your real age! Share your moisturizer with Jonathan! LOL!
It's a privilege to pray for you and be your friend!
Alas, the only conscious decision I make skin-wise is the use of Dove Shea Butter soap. Beyond that, I always assume that the sub-normal aging is a combination of laughing (A LOT) and that I have no progeny to make me age faster. No matter how you cut it, there's not really anyone in my life graying my hair or giving me worry lines. (I'd gladly make that trade, but until / unless it happens . . . .) :-)
“ I have cried. I am undoing the practice of holding back tears because of a deep-seated fear that others, even those who love me, cannot carry my pain” —that part I uh—
I uh—you just named something that my body knew but my mind couldn’t (and/or wouldn’t?) name. I also fear that my body can’t carry my own pain because as a narcoleptic, intense and painful emotions make me sleepy, and my own mixed diabetes makes my stress regulation system (HPA axis) dysfunctional—to the point that I can risk hitting dangerously high glucose levels which will lower my body’s pH levels enough for it to be lethal if no inpatient intervention is done. And the healthcare in this damned country—yeah.
I read your comment four times, Steven. I can hear the conundrum in your words, of what to pay attention to, how to balance one challenge with the others. And healthcare...is a whole scam here.
I am honored to give any voice to your experience (because you already have a way with words!), and though we don't share the same physiological circumstances, I am often talking to my own body about what she will and won't carry. Stress ain't it, not anymore. And stress is literally life-threatening to you.
Does that make the need to unleash, to wail, to move through emotion that much more critical, then?
Yup. I have to at the very least be present with whatever (often negative) emotion(s) that my body might be feeling. It's as critical as having the proper macros for my mixed diabetic diet. I can handle stressful situations pretty well (yay neurodivergence and hyperfocusing in the midst of emotional chaos). I am also my main processor, but I need the "emotional spices" from those around me/close to me in order for my processed emotions to come out like good comfort food. And if I don't make it a point to ask for those emotional spices, then my processed emotions will come out--just wrong and not "macro-appropriate" for me.
So. I want to write a thoughtful response, but honestly I’m just clapping my hands and giggling because “emotional spices” is a delicious phrase! I adore it!