Ohhhhh, I am so sorry. And so relieved that you knew to listen to yourself. And so glad that you're continuing to! Those tears are cathartic, I'm sure.
Loss is such an intimate experience, thank you for sharing so potently. When I was in the throws of mental health challenges during grad school I felt so adrift by that which I couldn't control. To regain some semblance of agency I would make gratitude lists that would buoy me from one moment to the next. It really helped to focus on what I had. Thank you for the read.
I think that the thing I didn't anticipate in writing this is the generosity of experiences and kinship that I have received in response. I think it is sacred and brave for you to share right back, your experience that was raw with helplessness. It must have been so frightening; the unknown, the self-doubt. And you still found means to tether yourself to hope. It gives me--us--strength, I think, to remember what was weathered, and that we yet are still here and still touched by grace. Thank you for your generosity.
Your words are so powerful. You gave voice to so many of the bodily losses I have been caring since I was diagnosed with breast cancer: the loss of my hair to chemo, the loss of my breasts to mastectomy, the loss of fertility, etc. Each loss is unique, private, intimate, and yet your words remind me how we can meet each other in the place of loss, too. My gratitude list includes your vulnerability to share this truth with us.
Laura, reading your words is like walking on sacred ground.
You have come through so much. It is incredibly hard work to survive. You are doing that work. It is incredibly intimate and often dysmorphic and bewildering, and carries so much grief. I honor you. I honor you.
Thank you for sharing sis! Thank you for waking each day and living despite the heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment living in this world can bring. Thank you for sharing your hair journey when you don't have to. Lifting you up today. ❤️🙏🏿
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I am also losing my hair. My sister is losing her hair. Our grandmother went completely bald. As children, we never thought such a reality could be in store for us. We had mountains of hair. Too much hair. Hair that seemed to clog whatever drain it could find. And now, that reality has deeply shifted. I noticed I started to lose my hair after I got Covid. I thought it would grow back. But no. I appreciate your connecting this to inflammation because that had not occurred to me. I think you've opened the door for my own research.
Kelsey, I’m sorry to hear that. Solidarity. I understand just how disconcerting and shocking it is to have your hair health completely reverse. It is heartbreaking.
I am happy to share everything I know so far with you. (There is definitely an association with Covid and hair loss -- anecdotally speaking. Hair loss can also be related to autoimmune disorders or perimenopause--but you too young for that!)
😭❤️🩹 He is. I do. I receive your beautiful blessing and hugs. You know how it is when your body’s reality and your memory of yourself just...collide. You know.
Sending lots of love, Sharifa. And so grateful for your words, witness, and good work. Your gratitude list made me a bit teary, what a beautiful gift to share with us.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hair can be so intertwined with identity, and with our relationships, like you've shown. Mine's been thinning as I age, and that's been hard. But what resonated most with me was your instinct to move into gratitude. I've had terrible stomach problems lately, and I'm really focused on giving thanks for each food I can eat and be nourished by. It does help. Focusing on what is rather than what isn't, means being present. And that's where all the best of it is. So appreciate your openness with these posts. Vulnerability is so hard, and so important. Be well.
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your stomach. So much is also wrapped up in gut health, and the butterflies and knots in our stomachs testify of the emotional connection that resides there as well. I wish you healing. I love how you phrased this: "Focusing on what is rather than what isn't, means being present." I want this, on my best days. I don't have an instinct toward gratitude (it is a discipline and a practice, but hopefully one day it will be second nature), but maybe one day. For now, I honor you for your presence as you eat the foods you can eat, and pray for your relief to be around the corner.
Much love for you & your honesty. Happy to read you have a loving support system too! Hair loss/grief is unlike anything I ever experienced. I too cried every day for 2 months when my postpartum hair loss was relentless despite my efforts & prayers. Eventually I had to work up the courage to buzz hair that was down my back off with the help of my husband. I still look in the mirror saddened to not see my hair some days but also relieved to not see it falling out every shower. My spirit is brighter after cutting it off & I can only hope to learn to love myself more without it as time goes on. Wishing you well on this journey, you’re never alone. Xoxo
Carrington, your experience is sacred -- thank you for generously sharing it with me. I see that you, too, have loving support, and I love that for us!
When did you know it was time to buzz it off?
I wish you more bright spiritedness, self-love, and self-gentleness. Being postpartum is NO joke. It's common (which continues to amaze me -- all these humans walking around representing a birth story), but it ain't easy. There are so many physiological changes, life changes...it's a hard shift. Blessings as you continue to adjust and heal.
I knew to cut it off when the desperation to keep it festered like an infected wound. The hair loss consumed me to a point in which I couldn’t show up for my husband/baby boy. When we cut it off, I could see the stress & lifelessness in my hair. I slept better that night too!
Idk if you look into astrology/tarot ever but it’s an 8 year, a Strength year, so go confidently on this journey and have unwavering trust in yourself 💓💓💓
"I knew to cut it off when the desperation to keep it festered like an infected wound." The all-consuming nature of the desperation. Yes, I get that so much. Whew! Freedom is sound sleep.
As always I appreciate your vulnerability. You and Trey have been church for me. Since reading what you all write I feel like my relationship with God has become more complex, deeper, and real. I wish I had friends like y’all IRL- people who love God, and understand that a relationship with Him is so layered because of our nature. I’m grateful for you, and the reminder that God loves me even when I’m angry, fall short, or just don’t understand him. Appreciate you - this is ministry.
Marc. This comment is so weighty to me, you don't even know. Thank you. Yes, God loves you. If that's the only lesson I ever share -- and it's received? -- I am satisfied. I'm gonna go cry now. You just ministered to ME.
Oh my goodness, from the beginning to the end of this letter, I was giving thanks and humming out agreement. I'm offering love your way given this new revelation, hope you find all the healing and ease needed as you rise up and lay down too in this learning. Just here to say how beautiful you are for affirming yourself so hard even while I can imagine it is difficult. You're a light and we're praying for you!
Especially love this line (and so many others): 'I want to give thanks for my intuition that said, “something’s wrong” over and over again — my gut is trustworthy.'
Also! Literally have a tab open with Yogi Nico's challenge. Just settling into my new place and Yogi Nico's challenge has been helping me ground. So so nice to see that we're both moving the vessel with joy in mind. Give thanks
Whew, Amara - when you said, "lay down too in this learning," I *felt* that. This is what it feels like; not only rising up and fighting, but exhaustion and surrender, in cycles.
You're taking Nico Marie's challenge, too? I LOVE that we have this in common, and I am thankful for the space she's providing!
Got a diagnosis of arthritis in my hip last week. Explains a lot, to include why I couldn't exercise enough to take off the weight that would help my hip be better (see the vicious cycle?).
Now that I know, it's one day at a time, getting help, eating better, and being gracious to myself when there was once frustration with how my body was made.
Wow. I can only imagine the range of emotions -- revelation, shock, sadness, understanding -- that you must be experiencing right now. So much grace to you, one day at a time.
Sharifa, thank you for your vulnerability + openness with your hair journey. I pray that you are filled with light + LOVE as people read + share in your experience. As brown women, the hair journey can be equally fulfilling + cruel depending on social expectations: an unfortunate truth, but a fact nonetheless. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2010 +, at the time, had very long hair. It wasn't until I lost it all to chemo + decided NOT to wear a wig, that I learned the true weight of it. My being bald openly made for fewer meeting invites, fewer business travel invites, less...and less...and less. However, this pruning process {God orchestrated} led to only those who truly cared still being by my side, taking up space...the fruit count on my tree looked different, but it was more authentic...rich + juicy! I, too, am THANKFUL for the then + now...that God would LOVE me so that I'd be shown a side of humanity that would, in turn, clean up my circle + lead me to here...where I am now...surrounded by LOVE. I wrote about my journey at https://benivialee.substack.com/p/a-break-from-normal I do hope you read + enjoy it. With care...
Whew. First of all, thank you for your compassionate reply and open sharing. I am so glad that you are here in 2024, a survivor of cancer. I praise God for that. It is revelatory to see how people respond to our *survival* with withdrawal. Survival isn't an esthetic, it is power. I am so glad for the gift that God gave you in pruning away the superficially rooted people from your life. God does love you. I can't wait to read about your journey.
Ohhhhh, I am so sorry. And so relieved that you knew to listen to yourself. And so glad that you're continuing to! Those tears are cathartic, I'm sure.
Please keep taking care of yourself xoox
Kerry, what a lovely admonition--I will do my best today. Thank you for your kindness.
Loss is such an intimate experience, thank you for sharing so potently. When I was in the throws of mental health challenges during grad school I felt so adrift by that which I couldn't control. To regain some semblance of agency I would make gratitude lists that would buoy me from one moment to the next. It really helped to focus on what I had. Thank you for the read.
I think that the thing I didn't anticipate in writing this is the generosity of experiences and kinship that I have received in response. I think it is sacred and brave for you to share right back, your experience that was raw with helplessness. It must have been so frightening; the unknown, the self-doubt. And you still found means to tether yourself to hope. It gives me--us--strength, I think, to remember what was weathered, and that we yet are still here and still touched by grace. Thank you for your generosity.
Your words are so powerful. You gave voice to so many of the bodily losses I have been caring since I was diagnosed with breast cancer: the loss of my hair to chemo, the loss of my breasts to mastectomy, the loss of fertility, etc. Each loss is unique, private, intimate, and yet your words remind me how we can meet each other in the place of loss, too. My gratitude list includes your vulnerability to share this truth with us.
Laura, reading your words is like walking on sacred ground.
You have come through so much. It is incredibly hard work to survive. You are doing that work. It is incredibly intimate and often dysmorphic and bewildering, and carries so much grief. I honor you. I honor you.
Thank you for sharing sis! Thank you for waking each day and living despite the heartache, heartbreak, and disappointment living in this world can bring. Thank you for sharing your hair journey when you don't have to. Lifting you up today. ❤️🙏🏿
Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I am also losing my hair. My sister is losing her hair. Our grandmother went completely bald. As children, we never thought such a reality could be in store for us. We had mountains of hair. Too much hair. Hair that seemed to clog whatever drain it could find. And now, that reality has deeply shifted. I noticed I started to lose my hair after I got Covid. I thought it would grow back. But no. I appreciate your connecting this to inflammation because that had not occurred to me. I think you've opened the door for my own research.
Kelsey, I’m sorry to hear that. Solidarity. I understand just how disconcerting and shocking it is to have your hair health completely reverse. It is heartbreaking.
I am happy to share everything I know so far with you. (There is definitely an association with Covid and hair loss -- anecdotally speaking. Hair loss can also be related to autoimmune disorders or perimenopause--but you too young for that!)
Oh dear friend. 🫂 your husband is a treasure and you deserve to take up space. Here in the unknowing and the knowing. Bless you precious one
😭❤️🩹 He is. I do. I receive your beautiful blessing and hugs. You know how it is when your body’s reality and your memory of yourself just...collide. You know.
Yes I know deeply friend. Was speaking over my body, this one that is marred by pain today
Sending lots of love, Sharifa. And so grateful for your words, witness, and good work. Your gratitude list made me a bit teary, what a beautiful gift to share with us.
I receive that love, Sarah. 🫂
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hair can be so intertwined with identity, and with our relationships, like you've shown. Mine's been thinning as I age, and that's been hard. But what resonated most with me was your instinct to move into gratitude. I've had terrible stomach problems lately, and I'm really focused on giving thanks for each food I can eat and be nourished by. It does help. Focusing on what is rather than what isn't, means being present. And that's where all the best of it is. So appreciate your openness with these posts. Vulnerability is so hard, and so important. Be well.
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your stomach. So much is also wrapped up in gut health, and the butterflies and knots in our stomachs testify of the emotional connection that resides there as well. I wish you healing. I love how you phrased this: "Focusing on what is rather than what isn't, means being present." I want this, on my best days. I don't have an instinct toward gratitude (it is a discipline and a practice, but hopefully one day it will be second nature), but maybe one day. For now, I honor you for your presence as you eat the foods you can eat, and pray for your relief to be around the corner.
So sorry you are losing your crown of beauty. Thank you for your courage and vulnerability. 💕
She's still here today! Maybe I will finally see the ethereal shape of my head if it goes, though. Sigh.
Thank you for reading, Michelle, and for empathizing.
Much love for you & your honesty. Happy to read you have a loving support system too! Hair loss/grief is unlike anything I ever experienced. I too cried every day for 2 months when my postpartum hair loss was relentless despite my efforts & prayers. Eventually I had to work up the courage to buzz hair that was down my back off with the help of my husband. I still look in the mirror saddened to not see my hair some days but also relieved to not see it falling out every shower. My spirit is brighter after cutting it off & I can only hope to learn to love myself more without it as time goes on. Wishing you well on this journey, you’re never alone. Xoxo
Carrington, your experience is sacred -- thank you for generously sharing it with me. I see that you, too, have loving support, and I love that for us!
When did you know it was time to buzz it off?
I wish you more bright spiritedness, self-love, and self-gentleness. Being postpartum is NO joke. It's common (which continues to amaze me -- all these humans walking around representing a birth story), but it ain't easy. There are so many physiological changes, life changes...it's a hard shift. Blessings as you continue to adjust and heal.
I knew to cut it off when the desperation to keep it festered like an infected wound. The hair loss consumed me to a point in which I couldn’t show up for my husband/baby boy. When we cut it off, I could see the stress & lifelessness in my hair. I slept better that night too!
Idk if you look into astrology/tarot ever but it’s an 8 year, a Strength year, so go confidently on this journey and have unwavering trust in yourself 💓💓💓
"I knew to cut it off when the desperation to keep it festered like an infected wound." The all-consuming nature of the desperation. Yes, I get that so much. Whew! Freedom is sound sleep.
As always I appreciate your vulnerability. You and Trey have been church for me. Since reading what you all write I feel like my relationship with God has become more complex, deeper, and real. I wish I had friends like y’all IRL- people who love God, and understand that a relationship with Him is so layered because of our nature. I’m grateful for you, and the reminder that God loves me even when I’m angry, fall short, or just don’t understand him. Appreciate you - this is ministry.
Marc. This comment is so weighty to me, you don't even know. Thank you. Yes, God loves you. If that's the only lesson I ever share -- and it's received? -- I am satisfied. I'm gonna go cry now. You just ministered to ME.
❤️
Oh my goodness, from the beginning to the end of this letter, I was giving thanks and humming out agreement. I'm offering love your way given this new revelation, hope you find all the healing and ease needed as you rise up and lay down too in this learning. Just here to say how beautiful you are for affirming yourself so hard even while I can imagine it is difficult. You're a light and we're praying for you!
Especially love this line (and so many others): 'I want to give thanks for my intuition that said, “something’s wrong” over and over again — my gut is trustworthy.'
Also! Literally have a tab open with Yogi Nico's challenge. Just settling into my new place and Yogi Nico's challenge has been helping me ground. So so nice to see that we're both moving the vessel with joy in mind. Give thanks
Whew, Amara - when you said, "lay down too in this learning," I *felt* that. This is what it feels like; not only rising up and fighting, but exhaustion and surrender, in cycles.
You're taking Nico Marie's challenge, too? I LOVE that we have this in common, and I am thankful for the space she's providing!
Thank you for your prayers and kind words, Amara.
Got a diagnosis of arthritis in my hip last week. Explains a lot, to include why I couldn't exercise enough to take off the weight that would help my hip be better (see the vicious cycle?).
Now that I know, it's one day at a time, getting help, eating better, and being gracious to myself when there was once frustration with how my body was made.
Walking this journey with you, friend.
Jayme. Sister. 🫂
Wow. I can only imagine the range of emotions -- revelation, shock, sadness, understanding -- that you must be experiencing right now. So much grace to you, one day at a time.
And grace to you as well.
We do this knowing God is with us, even in the frustrating moments.
I’m just sending a hug 🥰
Received. 🫂
Sharifa, I just adore you. I’m gutted for you. It’s hard when the unexpected happens to our bodies.
I adore you right back. And wow, this time of life is rife with surprises.
Sharifa, thank you for your vulnerability + openness with your hair journey. I pray that you are filled with light + LOVE as people read + share in your experience. As brown women, the hair journey can be equally fulfilling + cruel depending on social expectations: an unfortunate truth, but a fact nonetheless. I was diagnosed with cancer in 2010 +, at the time, had very long hair. It wasn't until I lost it all to chemo + decided NOT to wear a wig, that I learned the true weight of it. My being bald openly made for fewer meeting invites, fewer business travel invites, less...and less...and less. However, this pruning process {God orchestrated} led to only those who truly cared still being by my side, taking up space...the fruit count on my tree looked different, but it was more authentic...rich + juicy! I, too, am THANKFUL for the then + now...that God would LOVE me so that I'd be shown a side of humanity that would, in turn, clean up my circle + lead me to here...where I am now...surrounded by LOVE. I wrote about my journey at https://benivialee.substack.com/p/a-break-from-normal I do hope you read + enjoy it. With care...
Whew. First of all, thank you for your compassionate reply and open sharing. I am so glad that you are here in 2024, a survivor of cancer. I praise God for that. It is revelatory to see how people respond to our *survival* with withdrawal. Survival isn't an esthetic, it is power. I am so glad for the gift that God gave you in pruning away the superficially rooted people from your life. God does love you. I can't wait to read about your journey.
with God's grace...thank you for the safe place...