I am going to start telling little stories about micro-aggressions. I am retiring from an abuse-based understanding of neighbor-loving.
I don’t have wrapped up bows or word bouquets for these particular posts, as you’ll see. The writing is rougher. I glean permission from the psalms and the prophetic books to just say the thing. This is an exercise in releasing myself from the lifelong habit of self-silencing in order to make bigots comfortable, for the sake of “unity” or “the gospel.”
I have felt pressure to protect those who don’t protect me in order to honor Jesus. That, too, is a manipulation, a twisting of discipleship. The gospel is not compromised by telling the truth. But I tell you what: bigotry, hypocrisy, hubris, lack of awareness or humility, greed are certainly at odds with the gospel.
My inspiration today comes from two sources: a senator from Indiana who—today, right now—thinks that interracial marriage should be relegated to states’ rights and rescinded as a federal ruling, and a church-related (he doesn’t go to my church, his partner did) guy named Dick*.
This story is short: Despite the fact that no one asked him, Dick thought he would share with my husband this week that my marriage is—as is all “miscegenation”—an abomination. Dick couldn’t say this to our faces because he’s a coward, but he passed it on through his partner.
Dick used the word “disgusting” to describe my marriage. Here is the thick irony: Dick, who chooses to live (hear me: it is, in this case, a deliberate choice) in such a way that his floor surfaces are slick from the droppings of rats, still thinks that he is a proper judge of what is disgusting, and what’s truly disgusting is me, and by extension, my mongrel progeny. Such is the hubris of white supremacy.
This came out during a casual phone discussion held on speaker phone at home while my children played.
Dear reader, there are three morals to this story: first, white supremacy has no place in the church of Jesus. None. Second, there are some messages that never need to be passed on. Don’t be the cause of needless injury. I promise you that your BIPOC loved ones don’t need to know what your racist relative thinks about them—that’s your crucible. Lastly, racially violent language is not casual conversation fodder—there’s pain and history and plunder wrapped up in racialized conversations. Christians would do well to know the cultural contexts of their country and speak and listen wisely.
Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” This has been a one-way verse for too long, a verse used to excuse abuse, robbing victims of justice and emotional honesty, and thwarting repentance, discipline, and reparation from offenders. There’s a beautiful mutuality to this verse that comes from a larger context of throwing off—really dying to—societal hierarchies to pursue an equitable, whole, siblinghood in Christ.
Long story short: don’t be a Dick.
*This may or may not be the guy’s name.
Lamenting with you. And hungering for justice for Dick, whatever that might look like. Much like my prayers for Putin - I hope that Dick would repent, and absent that, that he would be silent / silenced.
As Scott said--love this post but not the reason for it. You are beloved, Sharifa! Your progeny are beloved! And while I am so very sorry that harm was intended and done to you--thank you for shining light on this darkness (and these rat droppings).
Oh, I’m so angry about this, at them.
But still, always, come back to you are beloved and am so thankful for you--for you as you, in all of your God-invested wisdom and beauty and glory that is you.